Helping Rayna Find Her Motivation...

My dear friend Lisa called me between classes yesterday to say she needed photos of sad children. She is in her last semester of nursing school and her instructors are keen on social/political activism. For her latest project she has to help spearhead a movement to ban smoking in public places in Shawnee, Kansas (one of the few communities in the greater Kansas City area which has not already placed such an ordinance on the books). Lisa needed to make posters, flyers, etc. to present to the city council. Her idea was to go at it from the emotional angle of "Is it good for the children?"

Doug had vacation from school last Friday and this Monday. So, it was that he was home yesterday morning when Lisa called me. Our normal family dynamics are that Darcy DOTES on Rayna and squabbles with Doug...and Rayna ADORES Doug and Darcy equaly. Once in a while, though, for no discernible rhyme or reason, Darcy will suddenly have a "dote on Doug" day. Darcy doesn't EXCLUDE Rayna during these rare anomaly days...but, neither does she DOTE on her. Yesterday was just such a day. Doug was dancing through the day beaming happily under his older sister's praise and attention while Rayna was withering from lack of sunlight. Now, you must understand, Rayna does NOT wither away quietly. She cauterwauls...and cries great drippy tears...and generally makes it exceedingly clear to all the world that a terrible injustice has been wrought at her expense. Such was my day yesterday, when dear sweet Lisa called saying she needed photos of sad children. Two minutes after hanging up the phone, Rayna had her forty-millionith complete melt-down of the day. I found myself cradling my youngest once again as she could barely get her words out between heart-broken sobs, "I..just want...Darcy (sobbing inhale)...to treat me kind. (more uncontrollable sobbing)...I just..want...my family to LOVE me." I had little Rayna wrapped in my arms and was rocking her as I tried to explain to her once more, "Honey, your family DOES love you. No one is treating you unkindly," as the happy sound of Doug's voice drifted up to my bedroom where we sat...stinging his little sister's soul like splatters of hot grease. Afterall, he was only suppose to sound that joyful under the spotlight of HER attention!

I had JUST gotten Rayna's tears dried and her convulsing sobs quieted when it dawned on me, "DUMMY, DUMMY, DUMMY!!! Lisa needs SAD pictures! What have I just done??? Here I had SADNESS in my arms and I FIXED it. DARN!" I looked down at my comforted child. Well...at least her NOSE was still red. That was SOMETHING to work with....

So, I grabbed her up and told her, "Mommy needs a SAD picture for Lisa's poster. Let's go take your picture!" Well, of course that brightened her right up. Camera, undivided attention....all the things her little heart NEEDED in that moment of older sibling neglect. Not good. I pinched her nose to make it a little redder and then peered at her through the lense. Nope. Too happy. I told her, "Look sad, again, Rayna." So, she put her heart into it....peering from her perch in the recliner, into the dining room beyond where her older sister and older brother were absorbed with each other, she GLARED. She DID look a bit sad, too, but the furrow of her eyebrows was just ruining it all....I didn't want sad layered with mad. I wanted that reach out and rip your heart out kind of sadness. So, I did what needed to be done. I looked my daughter square in the eye and told her, "Rayna, your family DOESN'T love you. I don't even love you. No one loves you." With that her face crummpled into utter dejected heart-brokeness and I got my pictures. Later, when I told Grant and Lisa how we got such great pictures, they were utterly APPALLED. I tried to defend myself, explaining, "but I was just helping her find her MOTIVATION...that is so crucial for an actress, you know." Well, my FAMILY thinks I'm hideous, but RAYNA understands completely. The INSTANT I put the camera down, she was beaming and couldn't wait to see her "sad pictures" on the compter screen. She just danced through the rest of the day. Of couse she KNOWS her family loves her. And PLENTY of people have made a point of STRESSING that to her in the aftermath of her mother's photo shoot!