The Logic of a Four Year OldThe Tenderness of an Older Brother

I was flipping hamburgers this evening when Doug came in and, in a quiet, sad voice noted that Rayna had eaten his gum. I called Rayna down to find out what the full story was. (Mind you, she is currently BANNED from chewing gum since I found it in her hair recently and had to cut a major hunk of her hair out to rid her of the mess. I decided, however, that the larger concern at this moment was the respecting of each other's stuff.) Slowly the story unfolded. Yes, Rayna admitted she HAD chewed his gum. She described it as "the pink, round one." I pointed out that her brother is very tender-hearted and almost never fails to SHARE with her when asked. I then asked, "Wouldn't have been much better to have ASKED your brother if you could have it, instead of STEALING it from him?" Though my questioning was in a gentle tone, Rayna dissolved into torrents of silent, heartbroken tears at the word "stealing". Between the tears sliding down her cheek, she looked up at me and explained, "But, Mom, I TOLD him I would keep it SAFE!" In the logic of her world, her brother had entrusted HER to keep his gum "safe" and that entitled her to consume it without consulting him! (As she tried explaining the unexplanable logic of her position, I faintly recalled the transaction... last night I did overhear Rayna asking Doug if she could keep his gum and money in a little treasure chest of hers FOR HIM...assuring him that she would keep it SAFE. Now, she was trying to explain to me how what she had done was reasonable...in her mind, she had been put in charge of guarding the gum, so, as long as she made sure NO ONE ELSE took it, she was completely fulfilling her duty. In her mind, the gum HAD been kept safe, because no one else had gotten a hold of it! She had kept it SAFE...just like she had promised her brother!)

Meanwhile, as Rayna tearfully tried to explain to me why it should have been "understood" by her brother that she had free reign to take over his treasures, Doug was becoming increasingly alarmed at her discomfort and rushed to assure me that it was okay that she had eaten his gum, even as he quickly reached for his snack that he had brought home from school earlier this evening and began proferring that to his little sister, trying to comfort her with his pretzels and cheddar crackers.

A little while later, Rayna and I discussed this again (without Doug there to RESCUE her). Turns out she had some gum of HER own squirrelled away. She decided it would be a nice thing to give that to her brother to replace the gum she had "kept safe" for him.